you & i

..

 

everything, we were

could never be, us.

we, are nothing; discard.

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the outsider

with what right do appear in my dreams? covered in my love and penetrating deep into the deepest parts of who i am. when i wake, you are covered in her love, her deepest depths, not mine, as you are not mine. i’m left once again with anger and longing. you will not allow me to cover you in me, you went too far, it frightened you, the way something so wrong could feel so right. you are nowhere to be found, yet you remain everywhere. then i wonder, are my dreams full of you for reasons i cannot quite understand. are you meant to ┬ábe there to remind me to never love again, or to never stop loving. what is love? the fucking that we did so well, or the communicating that we mastered? the communication ends, as does everything. everything ends. so with what right do you appear out of nowhere, when you are firmly in place, yet you have never even been here. you are not real. you were a figment of my imagination simply because i am diseased; my disease is one of unrequited loves, forbidden loves, loves that do not have a right to exist. the best kind, don’t you agree? when you fall in love with someone as damaged as yourself, someone so perfectly fucked up, someone so full of darkness, there is no coming back from that. so with what right did you allow me to enter knowing you would only drag me to the depths of my own hell and walk right out to your brightness with her? narcissistic and passive aggressive behavior, are you not being eaten alive by your own damn mind? ashamed is what you should be, yet somehow you appear proud of yourself. i do not wish you well, i would’ve been the wellness that i could’ve wished on you, should you have not done what you have done. no one can know what we’ve done.